hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
