I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
