I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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