they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
