What did we do last night that was yellow?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
