Do you still have your period?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
