Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
