she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I AM VODKA MAN
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
