Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
