I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
