Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
