TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
