He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
