twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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