Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
