haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Couch. On fire.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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