omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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