I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
