I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
