We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
