hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
