I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i think im in europe. pls send help
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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