Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
