i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You pole danced in your parka.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
