Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
