I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
