I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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