escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
