My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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