apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
