Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
