Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
