Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
