I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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