I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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