i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
