You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper