2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids