Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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