I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
