Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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