Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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