I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
