worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
