so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
