just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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