Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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