It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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