apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
