My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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