Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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