I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
