"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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