I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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