i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
