and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
