I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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