I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
