I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
what the fuck happened to the tacos
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
You left your phone here
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