Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
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I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
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if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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