Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
