Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
