I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
