He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
