U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
