I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
