I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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