Kiss
Puke
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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