Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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