Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
