Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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