Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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