Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
