so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
you never un-have a 4some
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
