I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
